Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
