she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
