So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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