so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
