Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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