Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
