I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
