I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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