Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
