I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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