Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i out mim tonsoeep
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