he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
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Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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