I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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