Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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