You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
