She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
