Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
