You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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