I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize