I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
