We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
