my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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