Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
