I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
