you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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