I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
