you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
