Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
