He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
