pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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