My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
