More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
