Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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