You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
