i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so let's talk penis.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
