She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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