Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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