i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
