so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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