You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
