Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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