This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
