I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
