If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
