who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
