Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
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man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
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He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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