wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You are a genius and a whore.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
