I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I believe in your delicious
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
