New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
