why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
