am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
