I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
