He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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