Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
