If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
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There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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