I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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