note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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