shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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