You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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