I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
