Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
