But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
